


Captain's Personal Log

by Arymura



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-11-22
Packaged: 2018-08-28 02:09:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8426812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arymura/pseuds/Arymura
Summary: This fanfic was written for me and translated into English by  JanewayOut





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Diário pessoal do Capitão](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8404807) by [Arymura](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arymura/pseuds/Arymura). 
  * A translation of [Diário pessoal do Capitão](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8404807) by [Arymura](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arymura/pseuds/Arymura). 



> This fanfic was written for me and translated into English by JanewayOut

Today is the first day, the first day after he's gone... In half an hour I need to talk to the crew, keep them focused on the mission to return to our home and help everyone cope with this sense of loss. But what can I say to them, I don't know how to deal with that.

How can I say that all will be fine and that we must be strong to honor the memory of the Warrior that he was. I don't have the strength to deal with it, and I don't want to have...

I told him, don't go this time... Please. He smiled and answered me 

‘’How could I miss that? Unless you order me to stay, I will.’’

And I didn't give the order. Why not? He seemed so happy. What I would say...Keep, I'm afraid of losing you? 

I didn't even know I had that fear.

He was always strong and fearless free spirit, the crew always loved him. I also loved him. I still love.

But does he know that? I never told him how much he meant to me, not only as Commander.

Everything would be so much easier if he was my Commander, I would feel your loss for sure, I'm not a soulless robot! But because I had to fall in love with that damn Maqui!?. My only mission was to find and capture the ship, deliver the Federation and we could all return to our business, our loves and homes, the mess of our normal life.

.

While Janeway swallow some more of his cold coffee, Tuvok appears at his door, asking for her to respond as quickly as possible.

Her will was isolated in his darkroom, but the lives of many was still in their hands. She opens her door, Tuvok hardly acknowledges, before I had never seen her with her hair messed up, not same in the worst days she was with dark circles too deep and the characteristic fire in their eyes had dissipated, maybe the tears have done is left only ashes.

‘’Come in Tuvok, what can I do for you?’’

‘’Actually Cap. I have a thing for you... -Tuvok delivers a box to her, made of wood with indigenous designs carved manually-Chakotay entrusted me with this item a few months ago, he asked me what I did in case anything happened to him.’’

Janeway safe box, his eyes fill with water.

‘’I think it's best I retire, in case you need something I'll be in my quarters.’’

Janeway sits, with the box in front of you, focuses on the table looking for the courage to open

what will be the last thing.

With your hands cold and pale Kathryn slowly opens the box cover, inside her a ticket, a piece of yellowish white paper, written the name and password of a Holodeckprogram. Smudging the ink, the tears fall on the thin sheet.


	2. Chapter 2

Janeway goes through the aisles without looking sideways, as if the dozens of crew didn't exist around her. In front of the Holodeck, fear and curiosity fight inside your chest, a deep breath as she accesses the file.

Inside the Holodeck, a whole forest was waiting for her, and kills dense trees surrounded the dewy ground path to last this long and dark way it was possible to see a clearing centre a fire. In flames the silhouette of a man is formed every step that Janeway gives.

With firm steps Kathryn crosses the path, approaching the clearing was increasingly clear that the man who expected was Chakotay, out of uniform or rank, with just a simple outfit of his tribe. Your tattoo, lets her look even more fierce reflecting light from the flames in front of you.

Janeway to in front of the fire, Chakotay sits down and she does the same thing.

‘’If you are here, so I'm not on your side. Perhaps my death has been honored or maybe it was an accident, a chance. None of that matters. What matters now is because you're here, because I left this message for you.’’

Kathryn lost their breath each word of Chakotay

‘’I should have said a lot of things, so I never had the guts to start because I didn't know where it would end.’’

“But Chakotay, you can always...”

Chakotay the Stops abruptly

“Its not that Kathryn. But now, it doesn't matter. Nothing I say will change what happened, my dear.”

‘’So tell me, I need to know whatever it is.”

Janeway's heart beats so strong that it was possible to hear in another quadrant.

“Kathryn, after all these years with you, all together. It changed me, you made me find peace, I've told you this before but I never told you is that I finally found love. Even without being able to demonstrate everything what I felt, I loved you intensely every day of the last Kathryn, years of my life, you made my life a new meaning my love. I would like you to hear it from my mouth, but it is no longer possible, as I never know if you loved me too.”

Janeway cried painfully

“I love you too” – Screams Janeway – “why did you leave me!”

“Don't cry Kathryn..” – Says Chakotay with the voice so calm that arrives to sound insulting the situation – “I will never leave you, there is an old legend that says if you die thinking of the love of his life and the person you love, you will always be by her side. Whenever you want to talk to me, you will know how to reach me. Until one day Kathryn.’’

The simulation ends.

“Computer restart the simulation”

“File not found" - responds the computer

Janeway despairs even more and punch several times the Control Panel, it does not suffer the slightest scratch.

She leaves the holodeck destroyed, without the slightest intention to hide his suffering.

“Janeway to Tuvok”

“How can I help you?”

“Please meet me in my quarters.”


	3. Chapter 3

I don't want to know what you guys are going to do, I just want it done!"

"Cap. I'm sorry to say this, but it's not possible."

"We can travel at warp speed but we can't retrieve a deleted file?"

"Commander Chakotay took precautions to prevent the file could be recovered, unfortunately there is nothing we can do."

Janeway frustrated dispenses with Tuvok. She still had a few hours before his announcement, lying on her bed trying to think of any way to change what had happened. Never before had wished so hard to change the past. She didn't have that power, but knew who I was.

_"... Q? Where are you? You said that one day I would need you and when that happened you'd show up! That day is here Q!"_

Janeway if plays in his bed disappointed, trying to sleep to forget about his impotence.

_"Sorry to keep you waiting, but you're so beautiful contradicted. So what can I do for you, Cap._ _?"_ Says Q in debauchery .

Kathryn lying still tries to control himself not to expel it from the ship with their own hands.

_"I want to negotiate." Janeway_  sits in bed .  
  


_"But you didn't offer me a cup of tea or coffee?"_

_"No. Let's cut to the chase, I don't have time to waste."_

_"Okay Kathy, what you want to trade? Let me guess, hum... I think it has to do with that little fella with face tattoo right? What's his name? Chekotay huh? And what he's done, tired of playing the universe explorer and left you alone?"_

Janeway clenched fists   
  


_"Oh, I think mistake, and your anger I might have offended the honor of  your maqui. Then he died. I'm sorry for my rudeness honey , I didn't know." Q_  sardonically, slowly approaches Janeway.

_"But now I'm really curious to know what you want from me."_ He kisses one of Kathryn's hands, she manages to keep it all away.

_"It is simple, I want him back ."_

Q laughs.  _"Simple? Do you think you bring somebody back is simple?"  
_

_"I thought you would be easy, after all you can do anything right?"_

_"I never said it would be hard honey, but you're willing to pay the price for it?"_

_"Since the Voyager or crew are not affected, yes I am."_

_"I have no interest in your toy or toy soldiers Kathryn "_

_"So you already know what I want, now tell me what you want in return."_

_"You. I bring it back and you're leaving with me. Accept my deal?"_

Q extends his hand. Janeway breathe deeply enjoying the last breath of freedom, but before she could seal the deal, a female voice interrupts the moment.  
  


_"Q! Don't you dare do that. I'm not in any way, let you keep it... And you Kathryn Janeway, Cap. of one of the most feared ships Voyager in the Delta quadrant , a woman_ _so brave_  - Says the brown-haired woman  with a certain tone of debauchery - _yielding_ _at the whim of one man as the Q ?"_

_"Yes all my courage, I'll fight with all my strength for the love. If I have to live the rest of my life miserable, but that brings the man I love back I'm going to do that. I am capable of anything for my love and you, with its unlimited powers and its ubiquity than is capable for the love of Q ?"_

The words of that simple human seem to affect deeply the powerful creature.

_"You're right, but I think it's my turn to prove what I can do ."_

Before Janeway can react , the two beings disappear from your eyes and all around is dark.


	4. Chapter 4

The bell wakes up Janeway , the shock reveals an unbearable headache.

She releases the entry without asking who demand, trying to remember how to synthesize a cup of hot coffee seems to be so difficult a task due to pain , there's no room in your mind to other thoughts .

_"Kathryn? I woke you..."_

She recognizes the voice of Chakotay, and time seems to stop. While it takes courage to look back, your thoughts become a storm, chest fear and happiness disputed place. The time seemed to have stopped, but the synthesizer does not. The hot liquid mug overflows and drips by Janeway, making her scream in pain and stopping your trance.  
  


_"Are you okay?_ -  Chakotay verifies the burn – _maybe  Doctor take a look at this. "_

_"No, it's not necessary."_

_"What's happening? You are pale and cold, you look like you saw a ghost!"_

_"Maybe I have seen , but what do you want me to say?"_

_"Studies of the planet have arrived and looks promising, actuallyly a long time didn't find a place like this. I can't wait to go there."_

_"You're not going to."_

_"What?"_

_"That's an order!"_

_"I don't understand..."_

_"But you will_ _understand_   -  Janeway plays Chakotay hand – _trust me. Don't let anyone go there, and meet me at the bridge in about 6 hours."_

_"Right."_

Chakotay retires completely confused .

 

Hours pass and at the time marked, both are on the bridge sitting in suascadeiras

_"Ok. I still don't understand what we're doing here, looking at the planet?"_

_"Easy, soon you will_ _understand_   -Says Janeway with the safety of anyone who knows the future  - Just _a little more patience."_

_" Cap. We're picking up strange readings coming from the planet , it seems that..."_ Tuvok is interrupted by the explosion, all had become dust in front of your eyes

_"Do you love me..._ – Says Kathryn Chakotay ear  -  _this is yours."_ She delivers the letter.

While Janeway retires to his room, Chakotay tries to recover from the shock but the content of the letter does go after her.

 

On the Cap room. receives a visit.

_"You come to take me?"_

_"Of course not! You don't owe me anything. Neither for Q, then don't let him fool you."_

_" And how are you?"_

_"We are well, not that I owe you some satisfaction, and I intend to keep it that way so I hope that our paths never cross ."_

_"I share the same feeling."_

_"Now you have another visit , goodbye Kathryn."_

Chakotay enters the room abruptly.

_" First, the answer is Yes. How did you know what was going to happen, and how did you get that letter._

_"Oh , my love, this is a long story... "_


End file.
